Thin Line (Fact&Fiction)

Doors make reality seem a bit less real, except for realist who run from feelings because fact is feelings don't exist .There are just a working in your mind to freeze you temporally in time like photographs, but photographs won't stop the time that must pass like bodies decaying to fertilize the grass no one remembers but they embrace.See cause even in a puddle of water you can catch a glimpse of your face misplaced or misguided the past isn't for rewriting or hiding.Feelings from run who realist for except, real less bit a seem reality make doors...
Reality makes doors with imaginary keys and hearts make homes with imaginary lease so whats real? And children fight wars with imaginary beast so whose killed? Imagination trumped by fiction which turns to lies for infinite wisdom which no one holds so what's the difference?

Titles...The unwed Mother

Titles have been on my mind a lot lately maybe because as you get older who you want to be and who you are going to be aren't always the same thing. See I have always wanted to be wife & mother but who am I?  I am mother & lover I use the term lover simply to say that I still love the idea the concept that one day (most likely in the far off future) I to will find the illusive "HE". As of right now its me being mom which in many of the eyes if those on the outside looking in its me being "baby mama" I no longer care honestly because I know when this little girl looks at me she's not thinking "oh what a shame another unwed young mother" or "that's such and such baby mama". No she's thinking that's my mom or i need my diaper changed lol the idea of finding your "soulmate" being married having kids and living happily ever after is a beautiful one but it is not the only idea.Was it something I wanted sure it was I don't think anyone sets out to be baby mama but even if they do thats their happiness not anyone elses. I keep seeing we need more weddings the baby showers sure maybe we do but then again all you might be doing is raising the divorce rates.I just have a difficult time processing the judgement placed on the unwed parent so you're saying because we fell out of love before we got married and produced a kid we're horrible people? or we would be more respectable if we would have gotten married had a child and then fell out of love and got a divorce? oh I get it now...I'm not knocking marriage cause it's a beautiful thing but so it child barring even if it not the "convectional" way that's all I am saying because as sad as it sounds a baby doesn't mean the love is forever but honestly neither does marriage. 

One Way Train…

At 2am it began to rain so I packed my bags full of all my shame

They said there’s a new lease on life so I signed my name blurred

Eyes with enlarged veins yeah I packed my bags full of all my shame

Went to that station holding all my rage wrote down my fears then

Threw away the page got back that key to what was once my cage nose

Running wet remembering that phase so I left that station leaving all my rage

Got my ticket that read for the unseen misfits who never did shit closed my eyelids

So my ears could listen got the classifieds saw my soul was listed like I’d been enlisted

Not to make a difference just to be there vision looked up at the sky to plead for

Forgiveness for admittance for remembrance of who I am Who I could have been

Then the train stopped… 

Hello

Sun's absence

Days with warm nights I wonder if the sun refuses to shine would the thunder  scare you baby? Don't be deceived lifes still as sweet as autum rain and God will always hold you I will never be to far im your permanent shoulder. If the sun refuses to shine dont let it steal your laughter remember the rain bow comes after...

To be me...

There has been many choices placed at my feet some I knew I would kick right away other not so sure. There have been other choices I only chose to please the rebel in me. Although lately my choices have all been more like forced. I'm not use to being forced...

I have not been on in such along time

So lets play catch up shall we?

I had my daughter Sept 16 2011 at 6:00pm which was the most amazing experience ever she's 4 months at the moment =) Getting big so very fast I love her so so very much let me try to explain it. Its like the moment you see the sunrise in the morning that promise of a new day never before seen. Or when the moon comes out at night and you know all the days problems are over rest is there. Maybe its more like when you get excited for something to happen and you build up anticipation only for all your dreams to come true times two. Its hard to describe but i love her

How You Were…(Theories Disappearance)

You were perfect how you were, I see you don’t understand it or maybe it’s my fault I took your perfect for granted maybe it’s their fault they couldn’t help you manage. Or maybe it’s because you got so high and I was never around when you landed made you feel somewhat stranded now I see your whole circle is on some yes man shit but if they knew you how I knew you they would be able to see through the act recognizing the fact that this is all a charade but you claim your happy so I’ll take my truths to my grave…

Things I Said...

Warnings came before the storm but i’m different baby…Lights flicker time differs since were both in missing places slowly wondering if we’re mis-taken the situation for more Judging by the things I said

I could be wrong…

Things Ive Done

Letting go of wisdom showing off provisions though one can’t always live up to their intentions but I can’t apologize for the things I’ve done.

At times I held the moon trying to avoid the sun only to prolong the things that I should have done only to fight the wars I should have won but I always end up empty handed

The things I took for granted the access I’ve granted to those who demanded perfection only to fight to crate one’s own reflection

To find something’s have no redemption

Dream Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

I JUST HOPE IT MAKES ME GROW....

Plans

“all i want to do is
take pictures
write stories
make music
be married
have children
live poetry….”

—	and i want you to do it with me… if you like

Needed

“sacrifice + compromise=we’ll be fine”

Yes!!!

“its something about the way the sunrises in the morning and sets in the evening i don’t know what it is but it gives me what i need to keep believing…”

—	its all love =)

Never Wanted To Be...

Baby Momma I always wanted to be wife before mother but things don't always turn out how we plan do they? But what I have come to accept is I may be becoming baby momma but thats not the important title it doesn't really even matter its the momma part that I need to focus on...Boy I know this shall be a glorious journey GOD WILLING

First Impressions

There is only one first impression that has settled in my head and I doubt it will ever leave...and its of a rapper in a crowded gym whose mumbles were louder then the the anyones screams...

The Night Is Young...

But the morning will still eventually come no need in worrying of what was once done cause it's over...

Not even the rain can wash the past back to the sure so no need in moving unless your sure...

How to Heal Your Abandonment Issues

i got 99 problem but a bitch aint one....

---

1. Identify and heal the earlier experiences that underlie your issues (often child abandonment).
   

2. Identify your beliefs, feelings, and unmet needs that formed in connection with those earlier experiences.
   

3. Build the new, life-enhancing, coherent beliefs, feelings, and needs that will bring you inner power and deep, lasting growth.

4. Create a "shift" in your energy field from the old to the new. This requires more than the usual "talking/thinking?understanding/problem solving" of the left brain.

5. Become empowered by WHO YOU ARE. Connect with your genuine power and potential. Know that change is possible. Shift what you resonate with. I do this all day, every day. It is so very do-able~! "Simple but not easy" as the saying goes, unless you know how, of course.

Georgia Douglas Johnson

I want to die while you love me,
While yet you hold me fair,
While Laughter lies upon my lips
And lights are in my hair.
I want to die while you love me
And bear to that still bed
Your kisses turbulent, unspent
To warm me when I’m dead.

I want to die while you love me;
Oh, who would care to live
Till love has nothing more to ask
And nothing more to give?

I want to die while you love me,
And never, never see
The glory of this perfect day
Grow dim, or cease to be!-Georgia Douglas Johnson

This week Mrs. Johnson held my mind perfectly still and allowed me to see everything having to pull my heart back from circumstances...

Once you meet the fork...

you have to make a choice or the road will stop right there...