First Become...

For What Its Worth

I’m selfish, envy, relentless, cold

I’m embers burning melted gold formless mold me endless hold me?

But not too tight.

I’m careless worry, untold stories of retroactive time, lost memoirs of retrograde minds.

I’m broken patterns chosen to form something better Indomitable and cleaver.

Strong minded cause I know better.

I’m empty, pitiful, physical and hypercritical

Im aphoristically inclined look ahead and not behind told these things take time

But who has time?

So for what its worth

im pundit and hurt

lazy and work

 I’m lost and I’m gain

 I’m proud and ashamed

 done things that I hold blame.

So what is it worth really? If no one else hears me or see’s me remember I’m only you’re not watching TV. So I’m ungrateful and stingy fallacious when need be sexual and needy did I say sexual  I meant highly intellectual self-conscious and greedy.

So please don’t fault me.

As if I was looking for GOD...

Do not seek the because - in love there is no because, no reason, no explanation, no solutions.
Anais Nin

Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.
Anais Nin

Love Them As Long As You Can

Live

The Theory Theory...

Learning 

Living 

Changing 

Giving 

Mistaken 

Soul

Breath Taking 

Mate

Someone else's

Losing 

I'm selfish 

Prideful 

LET GO....  

Just Me...

Falling in love to jump out of reality
Falling into reality to jump out of love
In a world where its just me...

Sitting on clouds never recognizing we've gotten so high
trying to go away without saying goodbye...
Hello was already so bitter sweet
trying to remind them its just me...

...to be continued

“God is love, I said, but art's the possibility of forms, and shadows are the source of identity.” 
― Ralph Ellison, Juneteenth

I am feeling some kind of way today bare with me...

“We look too much to museums. The sun coming up in the morning is enough.” 
― Ralph Ellison, Shadow and Act

Turtle Tattoo

Throughout the ages humans have bestowed turtles with special meaning. Ancient myths from different cultures describe the world as resting on the turtle’s back. Among Far Eastern cultures it was believed that the turtle’s back symbolized Heaven and that its underside represented Earth. For them the turtle signified the possibility of uniting Heaven and Earth within one’s own life.

Some cultures today still regard the turtle as a symbol of the primal mother and believe that it is connected to the lunar cycle. Others associate the turtle with longevity and wisdom. Incredibly, sea turtles have existed on earth longer than any other vertebrate animal — they were here when dinosaurs evolved and became extinct, and they survived the Ice Age.

The turtle has qualities that are congruent with the teachings and values of the Life Balance Institute. The turtle naturally withdraws and goes within when in turmoil. It does not need to learn the importance of this focusing inward, it naturally knows.

The turtle’s whole life is one of steadfastness, effort, and patience. It lives a slow and steady life of “non-doing.” There is a saying, “Home is where the heart is” — the turtle is always at home within itself.

This is why I will be getting a turtle tattoo as a reminder slow and steady wins the race =)

Bad Bitch

I do not care how positive black media is trying to make being a bitch. It has never and will never be acceptable for me personally. The way I look at it is some men are so consumed with having a "Bad Bitch" but they somehow are surprised when things go bad. You want a "Bad Bitch"  don't be surprised when she bites 

Apology of a young mother with love on her doorstep

I heard you lover saying all the things I dreamed of hearing saying all my tears turned in to a stream that formed a river for you to sail to me  thanking God for my tears cause they helped you see through infernos showing you that it's me you shouldn't let go.
 I hear you baby maybe it's my mind but I fear you baby not like a  monster but like a promise I can't keep to be honest it's just me
I can't help it I need all of me to give to my daughter and yes I'm selfish see I've tried fairy tales and they all failed.
Its difficult to think of intertwining our lives I'm the mother of someone else's child do you want that in a wife?  You should share your first with someone who deserves you someone who could serve you unconditionally someone whose going through there first too. 
See I've made my bed and I will lay in it take every chances I can to play in it. I apologize for being average I apologize but I will not allow you to carry my baggage.
I made these choices  and there's no other way I'll have it.

Butterfly Parenting

Focusing on the fact that a man and my self created a child that we can no longer raise together may be one of the most harmful things to do. It steals a certain power from you as an individual. I personally believe there is no such way to forsee how someone will behave as a parent you can know them for years, speak with them, watch them interact with other children but that's not the same as having your OWN CHILD. So the baby daddy/baby mama aspect comes in to play  (I am sorry if anyone finds this offensive but if those were the titles you aimed for you may need to sit down with yourself and find the disconnect in your heart that makes you feel like you aren't worth more) but the anger that tends to sprout from being seen as just someone who made a child with someone else can be over whelming. At times I believe this type of situation birthed the phrase "Nigga you aint shit" it becomes so hard to deal with when maybe one side is trying and the other is still so shook up about the demise of the relationship they cant fathom things being alright. Though its much worst when both side are engulfed in such anger every word is loaded with malice and hatred. Please don't get me wrong there are the few that part off of pure understanding that they no longer work together and its peaceful for the most part. What do you do if you"re not one of the lucky ones? Then What?
Your Child...see nothing can make you any less mom or dad to that child and at the end of the day who you are when you're alone with that child is what they often tend to remember they tend to hold on to it. See you can become a victim of baby mama/daddy syndrome if you feed all of you energy in to the anger or hatred or any lost emotions you maybe still harboring for your ex partner. Or you can simply be Mother/Father and love the new life you brought into the world and focus on that. See I look at it as relationships are like butterfly's  your lover can be your food your going to always need food to grow stay strong and live or your lover could have simply been your cocoon there to help you grow and get your wings and butterfly's never morn the lost of there cocoons it was just a phase in the journey. So maybe your lover was just a phase in your journey now you have your wings (your child)....so don't let anyone clip your wings 

I told him he made me free in my purest form and he's my shelter through the ill-est storm...  BELIEVE THAT

Just me

None of it MATTERS as long as one day you wake up & LOVE WHO YOU'VE BECOME <3