I have not been on in such along time

So lets play catch up shall we?

I had my daughter Sept 16 2011 at 6:00pm which was the most amazing experience ever she's 4 months at the moment =) Getting big so very fast I love her so so very much let me try to explain it. Its like the moment you see the sunrise in the morning that promise of a new day never before seen. Or when the moon comes out at night and you know all the days problems are over rest is there. Maybe its more like when you get excited for something to happen and you build up anticipation only for all your dreams to come true times two. Its hard to describe but i love her

How You Were…(Theories Disappearance)

You were perfect how you were, I see you don’t understand it or maybe it’s my fault I took your perfect for granted maybe it’s their fault they couldn’t help you manage. Or maybe it’s because you got so high and I was never around when you landed made you feel somewhat stranded now I see your whole circle is on some yes man shit but if they knew you how I knew you they would be able to see through the act recognizing the fact that this is all a charade but you claim your happy so I’ll take my truths to my grave…

Things I Said...

Warnings came before the storm but i’m different baby…Lights flicker time differs since were both in missing places slowly wondering if we’re mis-taken the situation for more Judging by the things I said

I could be wrong…

Things Ive Done

Letting go of wisdom showing off provisions though one can’t always live up to their intentions but I can’t apologize for the things I’ve done.

At times I held the moon trying to avoid the sun only to prolong the things that I should have done only to fight the wars I should have won but I always end up empty handed

The things I took for granted the access I’ve granted to those who demanded perfection only to fight to crate one’s own reflection

To find something’s have no redemption

Dream Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

I JUST HOPE IT MAKES ME GROW....

Plans

“all i want to do is
take pictures
write stories
make music
be married
have children
live poetry….”

—	and i want you to do it with me… if you like

Needed

“sacrifice + compromise=we’ll be fine”

Yes!!!

“its something about the way the sunrises in the morning and sets in the evening i don’t know what it is but it gives me what i need to keep believing…”

—	its all love =)

Never Wanted To Be...

Baby Momma I always wanted to be wife before mother but things don't always turn out how we plan do they? But what I have come to accept is I may be becoming baby momma but thats not the important title it doesn't really even matter its the momma part that I need to focus on...Boy I know this shall be a glorious journey GOD WILLING

First Impressions

There is only one first impression that has settled in my head and I doubt it will ever leave...and its of a rapper in a crowded gym whose mumbles were louder then the the anyones screams...

The Night Is Young...

But the morning will still eventually come no need in worrying of what was once done cause it's over...

Not even the rain can wash the past back to the sure so no need in moving unless your sure...

How to Heal Your Abandonment Issues

i got 99 problem but a bitch aint one....

---

1. Identify and heal the earlier experiences that underlie your issues (often child abandonment).
   

2. Identify your beliefs, feelings, and unmet needs that formed in connection with those earlier experiences.
   

3. Build the new, life-enhancing, coherent beliefs, feelings, and needs that will bring you inner power and deep, lasting growth.

4. Create a "shift" in your energy field from the old to the new. This requires more than the usual "talking/thinking?understanding/problem solving" of the left brain.

5. Become empowered by WHO YOU ARE. Connect with your genuine power and potential. Know that change is possible. Shift what you resonate with. I do this all day, every day. It is so very do-able~! "Simple but not easy" as the saying goes, unless you know how, of course.

Georgia Douglas Johnson

I want to die while you love me,
While yet you hold me fair,
While Laughter lies upon my lips
And lights are in my hair.
I want to die while you love me
And bear to that still bed
Your kisses turbulent, unspent
To warm me when I’m dead.

I want to die while you love me;
Oh, who would care to live
Till love has nothing more to ask
And nothing more to give?

I want to die while you love me,
And never, never see
The glory of this perfect day
Grow dim, or cease to be!-Georgia Douglas Johnson

This week Mrs. Johnson held my mind perfectly still and allowed me to see everything having to pull my heart back from circumstances...

Once you meet the fork...

you have to make a choice or the road will stop right there...

Like a poet...

They say act like a poet they expect me to dress modest and act like i'm above sex though I am modest I'm looking for a man to get my soul wet something I just haven't found yet looking for a man to seep through my walls like sand and I can feel every grain. Looking for a man to blur the lines of pleasure and pain hell he could hit it so hard that I can't even walk the same. Please don't question my intellectual abilities because my sexual tendencies are a substantial part of me. Please don't question the heart in me because I long for something hard in me that plays key unlocking parts of me once neglected something that make me need a cigarette his...well forget it cause it's not all sexual although the way his voice carries the air which turn into the wind that blows through my hair and I’m speechless like who need lips if his aren't on me or his don't own me. See the characteristic from touching someone so deep you leave finger prints that hits the soul producing children is inevitable cause after love like this even the grass will grow a little different and I'll know from our first meeting that I've meet him...

Playing yourself...

I'm not sure if we all do it but I know I am guilty of it allowing someone to treat you however they like because of some sort of excuse you set up in your own head for them...

-Lets not cry about it or blame it on somebody else lets stop playing ourself

What's on my mind

I am so immature such a little girl...

And the thing that bothers me about that is there are so many people in my life who will not be there when I become the woman I wish no I will be but they will only know the immature little girl..

we digress... sorry you won't be around to see my shine =/

I Ruined Us...

I was in a rush I thought the 4yrs gave us more importance but I guess I was wrong things went to fast and love wasn't in the plans because I forced the hands of time and I forever apologize...

My Eyes...

These are my eyes... Oh you don't see them I bet you don't these are my insecurities you can sit back and witness ever true part of me just by looking in to them they tell stories my heart tries it's best to hide the mouth may forsake you but eyes never lie

Say she never fuck with thug niggas only gentlemen-J. Cole

Learning to hold myself to higher standards... cause in reality if he truly cares for me he will meet any standard set...

so come catch the rain for me and I could take the pain from you...