What's on my mind

I am so immature such a little girl...

And the thing that bothers me about that is there are so many people in my life who will not be there when I become the woman I wish no I will be but they will only know the immature little girl..

we digress... sorry you won't be around to see my shine =/

I Ruined Us...

I was in a rush I thought the 4yrs gave us more importance but I guess I was wrong things went to fast and love wasn't in the plans because I forced the hands of time and I forever apologize...

My Eyes...

These are my eyes... Oh you don't see them I bet you don't these are my insecurities you can sit back and witness ever true part of me just by looking in to them they tell stories my heart tries it's best to hide the mouth may forsake you but eyes never lie

Say she never fuck with thug niggas only gentlemen-J. Cole

Learning to hold myself to higher standards... cause in reality if he truly cares for me he will meet any standard set...

so come catch the rain for me and I could take the pain from you...

Can't Compete...

you blow glades forcing everything else to fade, foggy now seeing every time you hit the ground but you can’t feel it. Takes away worry but it won’t heal it, childish reprehensible emotions that would drive you mad now your just coastin’. The high life what everyone seems to be looking for while leaving insecurities and those who need you by the door, a temporary change taking everything that makes you king but you say it’s not mind altering. The back of my mind searching time cause lord knows I cant lose you but I do when you inhale wonder if one day I could be the metaphorical medical marijuana you live for So i could put you at ease while curing you, knowing our connection is spiritual let you fall asleep inside me cause when two soul’s intertwine there’s no greater high to reach but if I’m asking to much just stop me. To elevate the sober mind takes time since were looking for forever i don’t think time would mind much light one for us inhale slowly showing me into your psyche cause you could always spark it up and forget me…so I can’t compete.

Double Standards...

I love Men I do...

Men love women(well most) right?

Well if you haven't noticed I am a "black" woman Mahogany skin and all so until people meet me they feel oh you must be one of those "black men praising black women" you could not be any more wrong...I do not have a favorite race of man I enjoy them all =) but the stereotypical views placed on the black woman makes it hard on dating (for me personally) period.

Here is my issue black men(not all) seem to have this problem with a black woman dating a white or hispanic man. When the black men judging date primarily out of there race what is that all about? I can care less if you date any kind of woman my father only likes white women he say black women do not know how to listen my grandma first married a black man then a white then a mexican so all the racial stuff means nothing... what gets me is when i see a black man holding his white girlfriends hand... turn up his nose at a black woman with a white man saying shit like "oh she must not be able to handle the di*k she needed something smaller" Really guy Really grow up the idea that black men have the biggest di*k straight myth...

and to the Malcolm X type black man who would never date out of his race and find it offensive open up your mind a little...

I like him that doesn't mean I look down on black guys cause I'm with a white guy it just means he makes me HAPPY nothing more nothing less.

Comin' from where I'm from...

In all honesty on my quest to become the woman that one day my son would look up to as his everything, my daughter would know she could be anything she wants because her mother was and my husband will never regret choosing to give me the wedding ring it gets pretty bumpy. Where I was born & raised there was this constant reminder of the same old thing. Baby mama before wife and most times wife would never come absent father were pretty prevalent but believe me some of the mother were no better yes they may have been living in the same house but their constant search of "finding their baby a daddy" made them about as absent as the fathers. Women (female gender) were loud for reason I still yet to understand then you became outcast for keeping a quite disposition...

Don't get me wrong where im from there were the few stand out who strived for better I just wished more of the kids I grew up with didn't become victims of their surroundings ...

Most of them lives this way because they feel thats how the streets made them well word to the wise the ghetto don't love nobody...

I would never judge you by your life style thats not my place but my place which I am truly in search of molding and creating the woman I want to be... Just refuses to settle for the bull shit we were handed...

Sam...

Sometimes I wear it straight sometimes its natural... Never wore make up its personal just not what I want to do... Sometimes I'm really girly sometimes I dress chill... But what ever I do I am still very much so me not my attire...

The Show

Step right up to watch the freaks lets make them dance not let them speak.

Bravo! Bravo! You've all been fooled manipulated and degraded but hey who pays any mind to the fact that you're desensitized to the times No I'm not here to purge or prime since the shows amazing entrancing engaging you're just a puppet dancing and playing... MARIONETT oh lets not forget freewill so who hold your strings? WOW you don't only dance you also sing aren't you just a well rounded nothing. Lets grab our popcorn and watch the tides turn for the worst since the show has just begun no Oscars or accolade for this one just depression and false renegades manufactured to be played for new generations to appraise. Lets watch the show in anticipations or change the channel for for our offspring's elevation since men are burglarized and women are dehumanized we really shouldn't compromise Encore Encore the crowd goes wild for the same man who degrade women and neglects his child its all a show its all for show and you're just viewer here to watch your not a doer so who cares if a women get famous by letting dogs do her or she becomes brainless cause manipulation screwed he No No No never you mind as long as she's light skin or has a nice behind she should be fine Right? Lights camera action turn to the stage its not them but you in there place Dance Monkey Dance its a trance honey a trance have you ever been told everything that's glitters isn't gold but it's okay its all a SHOW...

To Draw

sometimes i try and draw because i know visual minds won't stay in the confines of my words like there picture is the only thing to be heard.

I try and draw to show the slow disconnection of affection for words and the resurrection of things said left to fall on death ears.

I cant draw for the life of me but these words bring new life to me shed a light to see (EVERYTHING).

I knew an artist once that's a lie I don't know him but I saw his work so I knew his hurt, try and visualize graffiti artist with a Bob Marley flare. I try to draw cause I respect it but words are where my heart is...

The Soulmate Theory

I do not believe that your soulmate is always a romantic partner you can call them that but I believe soulmate is just someone in tuned with your soul...so meet my soulmate

For al the people who swear its some secret love affair thing please jump off of a building as soon as possible thank you =) It couldn't be any further away from that... This relationship is strickly cosmic see a mutual release and reception of thoughts, hope and dreams between two human beings not always an understanding but always and ear to listen.

I never wanted someone who always understands me but someone who still accepts me in all my confusing ways...

I am the dark skin daughter of a bright woman... with eyes that wonder its inevitable the little girl who fun was poked at cause her eyes were out of her control. I am the girl who at the age of 6 was beaten up for having hair straight from birth so yes at times its beautiful but its a gift and a curse. I am the one born without smell but please don't question my taste.I am one day the wife of a man who loves my artistic soul and quite disposition no i'm not shy just always listening...

Running Out Of Leaves...

Dear. Lover

Our trees been through a lot look at what's left of it I wish I could just blame it on autumn but it's more then a seasonal change I can't bring the leaves back I try everyday but even the clouds agree to let us fade away theirs no more hope in the grass there is no more sand in the hour glass... So i'll kiss our tree one last time and hope the wind drys my tears because I know the next time I take this walk our tree won't be here.

Mr.Marley

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before, she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together, but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”-Bob Marley

I must start by say my introduction to you has for every changed my life and mind state forever and for that I thank you. Though I have a deep love for you there is this constant aggravation in my life from the men of my generation see I feel as if they use you name and teachings in vein (I have never smoked weed its just not for me personal choices... daughter of an alcoholic mother and a drug using father I just chose not to risk forming a dependency on anything but myself...)see the reason I feel they are using your name in vein is they sit around smoking all day not making change not spreading love but ask them for justification they will say your name every time see there are the rare ones who smoked weed and share personal enlightenment but most of the time it just destroys everything ...I can't touch a man because there is a force field of weed smoke keeping him away from me I am a ware it is not the weed it the human I know that and I don't judge the weed smoker I don't judge the weed most of the time i just judge me because thats not who I am...

My heart full of daisy is what holds me back from letting go I tend to have a heart that will not cease to grow...I hate my sing song poetry sometimes I swear there is so much more to me the rhyming all the time but any who

Men...

I enjoy them very much so but they do not really seem to understand my heart...

I am who I am and in love compromise is possible but it will only go so far asking me to compromise my heart is not fair nor okay. I am not a "bad bitch" I do not want every man's attention I do not need you to be in my face 24/7 although affection is a must...honestly all I want is someone who understands me and love me for who I am just accept me even if you do not always understand me be there...

-Just how I am feeling...

Lastnight

I had the pleasure of being married last night.

To the most beautiful faceless man I have never seen...

With the hair of a warrior that could only have been a descendant of African immigrants

The room filled with autumn greens,reds and browns taught him that through times journey I will always be around...

And he's the World to me we Dance to Sade before the ceremony we don't believe its bad luck to see the bride were not making a pledge for one day but for rest of our lives.

so he holds me ever so closely and reminds me what i'm living for I look him in face and cry a bit only for him to whisper I love that your so sensitive as catches every tear cause he knows there his..

As the promise to be by your side comes to an end he kisses my forehead I kiss his chin and I walk away from him my heart beating in anticipation to be in his space again...

Times narrowing in and I hear him telling me everything that draws me near him

I swear starts to play and all the people stand to greet me but none of them matter cause i know he see's me...

The dam of emotions I had built buckles as I walk to his side and he looks me in his eyes since what is his is now mine and vice versa...

He assembles in vows that adds jewels to my crown as his queen and I try to speak for him the same thing so i can add to his crown as my king...

The faint saying of now its time to kiss the bride almost past us by since we were already making love in our minds...

Goodnight Moon

my little bit of light when I journey through the night cause the days are morbid sunrise met sunset creating a feeling of despise that one gets when they know they have won yet. Now the sun won't rise and the set forgets time so your the only one here to lead the blind and were all walking sideways moving at the speed of sound I wonder if the antelopes graze do the lay in the bosom of truth or is lethargic nature proof that they could never be put to use? Do we like sunrise or sunset? The feeling things haven't begun yet or is the other one the knowledge that things are close to done? Moon help me is it healthy to carry on this vendetta is alright to let go of sunlight forever and never wish for things better? Were just asking cause the grass grows it photosynthesis and without sun it's broken sentences but if the grass bath to long the sun would diminish it! SUNRISE or SUNSET SUNRISE or SUNSET? I don't know moon is it the parts of me that wants to move soon or is it the reserved her who thinks everything out till it's all true? Its like sunrise tells a million lies of promises but sunset shows me there's things I haven't finished yet so moon you get me at my best ...

Burn It Down

Walking stranded no need in moving love thoughts, hopeless no need in doing.

(burn it)

Sitting waiting for nothing somethings in the distance running nowhere

But away from everything taunted by kisses and wedding rings synopsis of broken dreams, sleep doesn't visit anymore.

(burn it)

over powered by cowards with jewelry and flowers, sanity is pure but purity is clarity and honesty is tragedy when everything is reality.

(burn it)

Whores are treated like a masterpiece anything good is ruined and all the smart is stupid welcome to the world

(burn it)

tables consistently turning evolution of man, do for your self elevation of hand (only human)

the most under rated statement “human” the mind is a cage that stops one from greatness

(burn it)

who needs greatness when Jesus was forsaken, millions question resurrection but believe in reality T.V. Steps over Gods natural creations but marvel at big screens.

superficial facades of man made Gods, superhero's from broken glass can still cut deep praying for the day it scabs but you'll always have the scars...

be my sun

Be my sun

please be my sun

help me lead my son

you can be his father or help me instil the values of being a respectful woman

into my daughter cause the strength that your light give off makes it impossible

for her to shy away from the things you taught her

be my sun keep us warm when the waters rise above our knees just roll up your selves

and hold us finance is fine but there's things you show us that means more then money

Be my sun and I’ll be the moon to you

I'll shine cause your behind me and your lights coming

through and I'd be the wife thats for you...